Is it Thanksgiving?!

If only you knew how many remarkable blog posts would be on here, if only my brain had a recording device that could type everything that I think of while I'm either showering or running.

It's pretty insightful stuff, folks!

But alas, you will never know those thoughts.

Instead, you will be stuck hearing stories about my dogs or my current sickness or moving. And while your eyes graze across the page, I bet you never imagined the one writing this has two tissues sticking out of her nose whilst her fingers ramble away. Just revert back to the comment on "current sickness".

It's a beautiful sight over on my side of the screen.

And though he would never say it, I'm sure husband would beg to differ.

Sweet as he is, he would never whisper a word of how much he dislikes the fact that I have to lift those tissues in order to give him a kiss. And kiss me, he does.
True love.

Marriage is funny that way.

It brings about both beauty and hardship.

I feel like I've grown so much the last two years, that sometimes when I look back at the girl who stood at the altar to say "I do," I don't even recognize her.

Marriage is a beautiful thing in which two individuals, working together, achieve one of the most incredible acts ever known to man; they become one.  Not through some miraculous happening, but through a lot of bending, giving, breaking, sanding, fighting, mending, forgiving, loving and accepting.

No easy task.

It's opening yourself up to another person and giving them every part of you, knowing full well that they could crush you in the deepest way, but trusting that they won't . And vice versa.

Marriage is knowing and being known to the fullest and sometimes most embarrassing ways and yet still loving that person no matter what pet-peeves {or tissues} may try to interfere.
And it is for that reason that I am grateful.
Grateful for having the opportunity to marry my best friend.
Grateful for the fact that he puts up with my oddities.
Grateful that he allows me to dream and evolve, never once asking me to change.
Grateful that nearly four years ago, he had the guts to email a girl in Utah who he'd never met.
Grateful for his heart
Grateful for his love.
And grateful that he's mine.

All My Single Ladies

I think I've mentioned to you before that I'm a walking contradiction.

Tis true.

You want to know why?

Because I love snow, but hate winter.

I'm always cold, but still continue to order iced mochas {and wear my coat while I drink them}.

I love dressing up and being girly but {seriously} HATE washing my hair. {Seriously, guys.}

I'm anti-social but when husband forces me out of my cave, you better believe I'm the crazy one in the center of all the laughter.

I love cooking, but rarely have the energy to make it happen.

I want to travel the world as a gypsy but have a house to come home to every night.

I want to finish my degree but have zero direction on what degree to pursue.

I like the idea of a career but would much rather be a stay-at-home mom to my dog-childs.

I say for months how homesick I am and then when the opportunity to move back presents itself, the actual going through with it freaks me out!

When will the madness end?!

Feel bad for the poor man that has to live with me.

Sorry, husband.

Good thing he loves me. 

And good thing I got him to put a ring on it. 

{Just an FYI for all my single ladies out there, the way to get ^that^ to happen is to endlessly sing Beyonce songs to him until he really does put a ring on it. Oh, and hide all the craziness until he's locked in for life! Ha! I'm totally kidding. But seriously, sing the song. 

And a little wrist action can't hurt.}

Prisoners of Hope

Today I'm feeling extremely grateful. Grateful for the hope of a bright future and that our present hurts and disappoints don't deter us from the greatness that God has locked up inside of us. Grateful that, for the first time in quite a long time, I'm excited for what the future holds!

Growth has been on my mind a lot lately. Specifically, the type of growth that only happens by going through hard times. It is from that type of growth that comes not only a deep wisdom and understanding, but also a deep compassion and tenderness for people and all of their humanity. Growth is the positive reaction to trials; all the while, bitterness fights as its opponent. It takes a determined heart not to let bitterness win the victory.

The last two years, our journey has been filled with ups and downs. Luckily and thankfully, I've had Matt by my side through it all.  Moving away from family is probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. Ever.  And it's only gotten harder with the arrival of my little niece. It's so hard not to think about how much I'm missing. It's not just birthdays and holidays anymore, it's missing out on watching my little niece smile for the first time, wondering what makes her laugh, and having to watch her grow up through a computer screen.  My heart aches for home and the familiar. I feel like my life has been nothing but uncertainty the past two years. After getting married and moving to Oklahoma, I finally felt like we had developed a routine. We had our cute little house we had finally transformed from a bachelor pad in to a home, two little poochies and a couple of very close friends. That all didn't last long, because after only nine short months of being married, we packed up our sweet little house and made the move to Tulsa and were going to move in with my in-laws for a couple months until we got settled and found a place of our own. Once again, it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath us as we discovered that the contract on our house fell through and we were stuck with a house in another city, living with my husband's parents, and struggling to make ends meet. That year was the most difficult as we both worked extremely hard to keep everything together financially, only to watch the money we had saved for our future home slowly drain. It felt like the life was draining right out of us. We both took those changes in stride {with a little lemon and salt}, and kept going.

Finally, in February, we had a huge financial burden lifted as we found someone who wanted to rent out our house. We both felt so relieved that we could once again, start rebuilding our savings account. It's been such a huge blessing!  However, this year gifted us with a different set of challenges. Challenges that I had heard countless stories about, but never experienced on a personal level. All the changes that these past two years have held finally caught up with my body and has spun me in to a whirlwind of depression and anxiety attacks. I won't go in to too many details, but I will say that for being a person who is usually very happy-go-lucky and glass half-full, I have never struggled more with the inner battle between deep sadness and an overwhelming sense of guilt, frustration, helplessness and complete darkness. Depression truly is a deep pit that feels completely hopeless.

But the thing I'm learning through all this {and granted, I have my days}, is that even though the situation seems hopeless, it's not. Even though the depression and anxiety attacks make me feel like I'm going crazy, I'm not.  I can only thank God that I've had Matt to be here helping me through everything. Having battled anxiety himself a few years ago, he's there to help remind me that this is not my fault, it's nothing I've done wrong, I'm not going crazy and deep breaths are my best friend. He is truly the human form of God's graciousness in my life.

Oddly enough, this whole journey makes me grateful. Grateful for days like this when I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Grateful that I woke up this morning, and the picture at the top of the screen was the first thing I saw, and I just knew it was God whispering to me the message of "hope". Grateful that God never disposes any of our hurts; He's as green as they come when it comes to recycling and making things new. And most of all, grateful for the love and support of family, who have been so gentle and patient with me through this process.

One of our good friends gave me the best analogy: sometimes our life is like a sling-shot. We have to take a few steps back in order to be launched forward in to our destiny. So maybe these setbacks are just pulling us farther and farther back in order to be released forward in to something so much greater than we could have ever imagined! The set backs are the ammunition that's used to launch us forward.  And as difficult as it seems some days, I'm reminding myself to stop looking at the destination and enjoy the journey. I keep reminding myself to live everyday on purpose. To not let any of my sadness overshadow the good days that we have here. And as my dad so eloquently puts it, "Do your best to soak up every moment; because when you look back, the good days will be the ones you remember. The bad ones will just fade away into the past." Thanks, dad.

So, this is my goal:

"To love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you've held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face

between your palms, a plain face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes, 

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you again."

{Ellen Bass}

I will grab life by the face, life that so often seems plain and ugly, and I will choose to unfold and dig up the passion that is buried deep within. My journey is more of a hunt. A treasure hunt. A treasure that was placed there by one who loves me, chose me and considers my soul the true treasure. The One who gave me this promise, and will not fail to fulfill it.

"As for you, because of the blood of my covenant with you, I will free your prisoners from the waterless pit. Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you." 

{Zechariah 9:11-12}

Yes, friends. There is always hope.

Personality Test

Oh, hey!!!

It's just me. And my curly hair.
Yes, I have curls. And they sometimes like to go on adventures without adult supervision.
Notice the curl on the left.
Yep. That's one of them.

We're just sitting here {me and my curls}, waiting for husband to get home.

We {I} really miss that man when we're not together!

Good thing it's FRIDAY!!!!!

But in the meantime of me waiting for him, I thought I would share an awesome site Matt and I ran across the other night. 

We're kind of nerds and loooooooove taking personality tests! Ha, don't ask me why, but we think it's super interesting! Just one of our little quirks, I guess.

So one day while husband was searching personality tests, he ran across one that was eerily accurate in describing the man. So eery that I had to take it and see if it did the same for me. 

And it did.

This test not only described me to a "t", but also explained so much about why I do the things I do! It described why I love coffee, animals and my huge need to be surrounded by nature. {Cough, cough, hippie.} Haha! I was so excited after reading it and had a whole new appreciation for who I was.  I think so many times, we have this super version idea of who we wish we were, what we wish we liked, what we wished we looked like, etc.....and in the process of wishing ourselves away, we lose sight of all the awesome and unique things that make us, us! I've learned so many things this last year, and one of the biggest things is discovering who I'm not and becoming comfortable with it! On our journey to finding out who we are, I think it's just as equally important to find out who we're not. With that, we find a whole new appreciation for other people and their differences. We realize that we can't do it all and that other people's strengths and giftings make up for our weaknesses, and vice versa. It's been an awesome {and often frustrating} discovery. And one more cool thing {I promise}.....my personality type is called "The Artist". How awesome is that. That makes me feel, well, super artistic! And really creative. Which has been a HUGE part of the self-discovery journey I've been on  these past couple years! :)

But getting back on track, this personality test made me appreciate not only the way God created me, but also the way he created my husband! Husband's test revealed just as many awesome things about him and helped me understand and appreciate so many of the little quirks that are unique to Matt. We make quite a pair, the two of us. I'm the "earth loving, in-touch with nature, savor every sensation, process everything internally" type, while he is the "all-business, cut the details and give me facts, talk every emotion out and debate everything" type. Nearly complete opposites. But I guess that's why we're so good together! :)

So now after hearing me blabber on about this, I'm sure you're more than ready to get to know yourself!

Take the personality test here {click on "Free Personality Test" at the top}, and then after you find out what your personality type is {it will be 4 letters}, you can either 

a.) pay $35 to the website to get the full description {BOOOO!!!!}, or

b.) Google it! This is what Matt and I did. Mostly because we're cheap. And we like free things.

So for instance, I found out my personality type was ISFP so I googled "ISFP Personality" and the best site we found for descriptions said something like "Portrait of an ISFP - Personality Page"

Get it? Got it? Good. 

Pleeeeeease let me know if you take this and if yours was as accurate as ours! I'm extremely curious!! 

Domesticated Love

It has been quite a busy week!

But I must say, we've thoroughly enjoyed it!

Let me back track and tell you about Matt's birthday....

First, Matt is super easy to please, and despite my offer to bake him any dessert he wanted, he insisted that the only birthday dessert he wanted was a store bought cookie cake. {Not sure if that's a bad reflection on my cooking??} Easy enough.  So off to the store I went, and found him {what I initially thought was} a lovely cookie cake! Well I paid for the cake and hadn't take two steps out the door when the cake fell off of the cart and smashed the icing around the edges! Boooooooooo!!!!! I felt super bad, but was hoping that I could repair it enough that the smeared icing wouldn't be too noticeable. And that's when I discovered that the balloons on his cake {pictured below. Notice the sad icing on the sides!}....

...looked a lot like these guys......

{Those are sperm, in case you missed the correlation.}

Yes folks, I had bought him a {smashed} sperm cake. Lovely.

I had also attempted to bake him some blueberry muffins that ended up a little more burned than what most people like. Another lovely.

Have I mentioned that I'm superrrrrr domestic?? I'm such a good wife. {Cough, cough. Sarcasm} 

I was having flash-backs of our first Christmas together. But just like then, Matt was so sweet and never made me feel bad about any of these silly mistakes. I really lucked out with him.

Not only was it my husband's birthday this week, but another very important holiday {one of my very favorites}, Cinco de Mayo!!! I love this holiday for the mere fact that it's another excuse to eat Mexican food. I'm not really even sure what else we're supposed to be celebrating {Mexico, maybe??}, but I'm just glad it involves eating good food! And that we did. We had a delicious meal on the river and ended the night by watching "The Avengers" {which, by the way, was the BEST movie we've seen in a very long time. I totally recommend it!!!}.

And I know Sunday is technically supposed to be the first day of the week, but I've always thought of it as the last day. With that being said, we ended our week by going to an awesome marriage conference that was sponsored by our church!

Matt and I are committed to not only having a marriage that outlasts all of life's ups and downs, but having a great and passionate marriage that outlasts all of life's ups and downs! No matter what stage of life you are in with your marriage, marriage conferences are always a good reminder of how to encourage your spouse and create an awesome foundation for your relationship. {I'll be recapping on some of the things they talked about in future posts!}

Sorry for the long recap! 

How has your week been?!

Birthday Boy!

That's right folks....it's the love of my life's BIRTHDAY!!!

Yep!

He is now the ripe old age of twenty-eight. 

{Cradle robber, I already know.} 

Ha!!! Kidding.

But seriously, look at this face:

Ok, now stop looking...because I know you're lusting.

Seriously, stop.

Sorry, I'll stop posting sexy pictures of him that make it hard for you to stop looking.

Here:

Does that help??

Haha...yes, I married a cross-dressing maniac!

He also likes motorcycles.

And lets me do stuff like this to him:

{That's mascara, in case you were wondering!}

And....we're back to cross-dressing!

This man is the most incredible gift that God has ever chosen to grace my life with. You'll hear me {or read me} brag about him a lot on here. Mostly because he's awesome. Mostly because he's mine. Mostly because he's hot. {Stop lusting!!!} Mostly because he's the only one who can frustrate me the most, make me laugh hardest and demonstrate the kind of movie love that every girl dreams about. Mostly because he proves that dreams do come true. 

His sweet dimple cheeks bring joy to my heart everyday {I could just eat his cheeks!} and there's not a day that goes by where his face wouldn't be the one I want to wake up to {that's right, morning breath and all}! He calls me beautiful in all my mess and accepts every part of me {the good, the bad, and the really ugly}. I'm so grateful that the ring on my finger means that I'm his forever. 

Happy Birthday, babe!!

Here's to another year full of lots of laughs, little tears and much love!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

True Love or Insanity?

I died laughing when I saw this!

Mostly because this exact scenario happens every.single.night. at our house!

And I am the perpetrator.

The only difference is that ours would looks more like this:

It's every night, I tell you!

My husband doesn't understand why I can't just put my feet on the floor and pick it up.

And honestly, I don't understand it either.

The truth is, there is no logic.

I'm going to blame it on the age-old problem of monsters under the bed.

But all I know is that while I'm hanging off the bed, he's there holding my feet!

That's what they call, "true love".

Or insanity.

I'll take either one.

{Swoon}

Have I mentioned how much I love my man? 

Because I do.

This is one of the many reasons why....100 reasons to be exact!

He gave me 100 one dollar bills {for a shopping spree}. 

Attached to each one was a reason why he loves me.

♥{Swoon}♥

Have I mentioned that I love my man?

Because I do.