Sunday, September 23, 2012

Insanity on Sunday {not the workout kind}

My heart is full!
Remember when I told you about the amazing adoption journey over at Treasures Over the Rainbow?
Well their journey apart is finally over and their two little kiddos are home safe!
Funny how blogs can emotionally connect you with people you've never met.
Such is the story with this family!
Here's a little peak at their adventure's beginning. 
I pretty much cried the whole 15 minutes.
God has used this family's journey to teach me something about my own.
Bear with me as I try to explain....
You've already heard me talk about the last two years...blah, blah,'s been hard.
I've mentioned to Matt before about how I wonder if the reason why the consistent lesson in the last two years has had to do with patience and trusting God is because that's what's going to be required of us in our adoption journey. Yet for some reason, it has never occurred to me that the separation and feeling of loss that I've experienced could also be part of that lesson. It never occurred to me until today, when I was reading about the post-adoption process. When a child is torn away from their environment, no matter how young they may be, the emotional effects of the trauma are felt, even by infants.  It is natural for them to regress and experience grief at the loss.  My heart started aching as I read this, aching because I know how hard that loss can be at my age, and I can't even imagine having to deal with that loss at a much younger and less developed stage of life.  God was totally speaking to my heart. No, I'm not saying that God intentionally made these last two years hard to teach me a lesson. That is not in God's nature to be mean. He is good and anything contrary to that is not of Him. What I am saying is that in that moment of ache, I could feel him speaking to my heart, whispering, as only a father could, saying, "Your hurt isn't wasted and for no reason. I promised to turn all things for good."  
I already love our little ones more than words can say. And I have no idea all of the trauma and changes that they will have experienced in their little lives by the time we're able to bring them into our family. In fact, I can't even imagine it! But what I do know is that if this small taste of loss that I've experienced in my life will make me a more compassionate, patient and understanding mother, I would go through it 100 more times so that my child wouldn't have to feel like the pain they're going through is gone through alone. Is it weird that I already love my kids that much and have no idea who they are?! Sometimes I think I could claim insanity.


The Adventurer said...

Its Monday and you're still amazing. In case you needed a little reminder.

We're all a but insane, am I right? Your insanity is the best kind though, the mad kind, the wonderful kind that makes things happen and good things at that!

Everything happens in timing that is nothing of our own. Praying for you, my twin/soulmate/blog friend :)

Shaylynn... I blahwg It's True. said...

This is the perfect way to spend 15 minutes of my day. How perfect and wonderful.

Granted, my heart swells for you, even if you are a relative stranger, my prayers are with on this journey that you've been on, and those arms of yours that long to be full. said...

Newest follower here! super cute blog, I can't wait to read more!

Anonymous said...

You make me cry!!! You are loved more than you will every know. The best thing I can do as a mother-in-law is pray! My heart aches to have Matt & your dreams fulfilled. It will happen I have no doubt. Thanks so much for sharing your heart.

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